You narrowly avoided a near-death experience after your entire body was lost during a transporter mishap. Luckily, Miles O’Brien and Katherine Pulaski were able to reassemble your molecular structure using DNA recovered from the inside of Wesley Crusher’s ass

I see that Wil Wheaton has reblogged a post from this website.

Unfortunately, the resulting flood of visitors and new followers does not nearly make up for his unforgivable absence from the 1995 Star Trek Convention in Jackson, Mississippi…

You were expelled from Starfleet Academy after your graduate thesis on “First Contact” turned out to be a 20-page description of the night you and Wesley got fucked up on a bottle of Romulan ale and an 8-ball of coke and crossed third base.

Your access to the ship’s food replicators will be revoked if you continue to order “semen, Wesley Crusher, lukewarm” for your nightly meal.

You’re as confused by your sexuality as I am by three-dimensional chess