cmndrspock says:
You narrowly avoided a near-death experience after your entire body was lost during a transporter mishap. Luckily, Miles O’Brien and Katherine Pulaski were able to reassemble your molecular structure using DNA recovered from the inside of Wesley Crusher’s ass
cmndrspock says:
You became the second Starfleet officer on record to be penetrated from behind by a Nausicaan, although your encounter was entirely consensual.
During a routine patrol of the Neutral Zone, the Enterprise’s holodeck experienced a catastrophic power failure. When an emergency engineering team was dispatched to investigate, they discovered that you had overloaded the system by attempting to reprogram the scenario ”a Fistful of Datas” into a new program entitled “a Fistful in Data.”
cmndrspock says:
Geordi La Forge activated the Enterprise’s emergency shutdown procedures after he mistook the infrared heat signature from your raging erection for a warp core meltdown when Picard asked you to backup the captain’s log.
captn-jameskirk says:
The Enterprise experienced a critical loss of power when a newborn space creature mistook the ship as its mother and attached itself to the hull. It was later discovered that the creature was attached to the ship outside of your quarters to take advantage of your cosmic glory hole, and the power drain was traced back to the large, black, oscillating, self-lubricating dildo that Riker had attached to the slide of his trombone as he pumped your ass with a ragtime melody.
khannooniensingh says:
I see that Wil Wheaton has reblogged a post from this website.
Unfortunately, the resulting flood of visitors and new followers does not nearly make up for his unforgivable absence from the 1995 Star Trek Convention in Jackson, Mississippi…
captn-jameskirk says:
No matter how long you stay in the sonic shower, you can’t scrub off the shame of the night Worf found you alone and forced his bat’leth into your waste conduit
montgomery-scott says:
