cmndrspock cmndrspock says:

Inspired by Captain Picard’s regular order from the food replicator, you set out to create a holodeck program of a Victorian-era bath house entitled “Teabag, Earl Gray, Hot.”

Inspired by Captain Picard’s regular order from the food replicator, you set out to create a holodeck program of a Victorian-era bath house entitled “Teabag, Earl Gray, Hot.”

A common practice of the Cardassians when torturing captives was to force them to eat a taspar egg when they were at their most desperate and near starvation.  Immediately after your release the practice was abandoned, the only reason given by the Cardassian High Council was that “…we have deemed that this practice is in actual fact more torture on the kaspar egg than the prisoner.”  Years later it was discovered that during your imprisonment you were found fucking one of the eggs on top of a desk like Jason Biggs fucked that apple pie in that movie about that guy who fucks apple pies.

cmndrspock cmndrspock says:

You narrowly avoided a near-death experience after your entire body was lost during a transporter mishap. Luckily, Miles O’Brien and Katherine Pulaski were able to reassemble your molecular structure using DNA recovered from the inside of Wesley Crusher’s ass

You narrowly avoided a near-death experience after your entire body was lost during a transporter mishap. Luckily, Miles O’Brien and Katherine Pulaski were able to reassemble your molecular structure using DNA recovered from the inside of Wesley Crusher’s ass

captn-jameskirk captn-jameskirk says:

After the blue horned alien was incapacitated by a kick to his knees during a prison fight on Rura Penthe, it became apparent that this was actually the location of the creature’s genitals
This not only explained why the alien had been injured so severely by the kick, but also why you had spent the previous evening licking the creature’s kneecaps instead of looking for an escape route from the penal colony.

After the blue horned alien was incapacitated by a kick to his knees during a prison fight on Rura Penthe, it became apparent that this was actually the location of the creature’s genitals

This not only explained why the alien had been injured so severely by the kick, but also why you had spent the previous evening licking the creature’s kneecaps instead of looking for an escape route from the penal colony.

montgomery-scott montgomery-scott says:

You had to spend two solar cycles in sick bay for anal bleeding after you begged Kirk to scrub out your jefferies tube with a dildo you made while imprisoned inside the dilithium mines on the dark moon of Remus.  Reman, it damn near killed him.

You had to spend two solar cycles in sick bay for anal bleeding after you begged Kirk to scrub out your jefferies tube with a dildo you made while imprisoned inside the dilithium mines on the dark moon of Remus.  Reman, it damn near killed him.

cmndrspock cmndrspock says:

You became the second Starfleet officer on record to be penetrated from behind by a Nausicaan, although your encounter was entirely consensual.

You became the second Starfleet officer on record to be penetrated from behind by a Nausicaan, although your encounter was entirely consensual.

captn-jameskirk captn-jameskirk says:

Your rectum blew up like the Klingon moon Praxis when Chancellor Gorkon ejaculated inside of your ass.

Your rectum blew up like the Klingon moon Praxis when Chancellor Gorkon ejaculated inside of your ass.

cmndrspock cmndrspock says:

Dr. Julian Bashir was forced to pump over a gallon of semen from your stomach after you mistook Commander Sisko’s order to service every turboshaft on DS9

Dr. Julian Bashir was forced to pump over a gallon of semen from your stomach after you mistook Commander Sisko’s order to service every turboshaft on DS9

captn-jameskirk captn-jameskirk says:

Captain Archer kicked you off of the Enterprise NX-01 when he walked in on you forcing his beloved beagle to lick cottage cheese off your balls

Captain Archer kicked you off of the Enterprise NX-01 when he walked in on you forcing his beloved beagle to lick cottage cheese off your balls

During a routine patrol of the Neutral Zone, the Enterprise’s holodeck experienced a catastrophic power failure. When an emergency engineering team was dispatched to investigate, they discovered that you had overloaded the system by attempting to reprogram the scenario ”a Fistful of Datas” into a new program entitled “a Fistful in Data.”